Do you catch yourself always making or being available for everything and anyone? Stop that! It’s time for some self-care; time to STOP putting your needs aside and face up to the fact that you need to build some fences…
Being selfless, helpful and nurturing is definitely noteworthy but, there comes a time when you need to set conditions and limit access to your time and sacred space. I’m all for “doing” but when or, at what point do you replenish and renew yourself (i.e. self-care, tend to your own needs, etc) or even ask for some assistance for yourself or for a personal task?
That’s not being unselfish or “giving”, that’s what I call INSECURE; unable to separate your own worth or value from your ability to “help” or be “available.” More specifically, coupling your identity and self-worth to your ability to “help”/ or be needed by someone else.
In other words, if you find yourself constantly stuck in a cycle (a.k.a. hamster wheel going nowhere) of continuous tasks, obligations, or activities for other people (and finding it difficult to say no), you’ve got a problem and not the other way around. There was a time when I too found it not only difficult to say no but also found it hard to set boundaries for other people and things.
Setting and being able to set boundaries also speaks to the issue of balance. It’s also an aspect of personal development in terms of what and who you allow into your sacred space (a.k.a your home, environment or personal space, etc). For instance, not knowing when to say no to a request or anything that not alignment with your wants, comfort level, etc is a flashing red light that says “more inside” work required!
In other words, you shouldn’t feel pressed into agreeing with a position if it goes against the core of your being; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with refusing to engage or feel obligated to do something that you know will take you out of alignment with your core beliefs or feels invasive. To me, that’s not a growth driven discomfort but rather smacks of someone trying to get in your Koolaid without knowing your flavor!
Looking back, I’ve seen soo many instances where I did not set the appropriate boundaries (because of my own personal development deficits) and I wound up on the losing end of things. I’ve since discovered I’m not alone in this experience and for women, this seems to be one our weak points; not knowing your own value and failing to appreciate your unique authentic self.
There’s always that one client who asks “what does that have to do with getting fit?” A lot actually!
My question to you today is, ARE YOU READY TO DO WHAT’S NECESSARY, OR STAY ON THE HAMSTER WHEEL GOING NOWHERE?!